Wrestling with the Proverbs 31 Woman

          It was a glorious spring afternoon, made all the more glorious by the freedom of a Friday schedule. We had pulled three extra chairs up to surround the small wooden table nestled under a formidable oak tree and for the hundredth time, we bowed our heads and asked that God would bless the time shared in discipleship. About 30 minutes later, our leader Lauryn told us, amidst many giggles, of a male she thought was the cat’s pajamas. “There’s something about him,” she said, her eyes bright with excitement, “I want to be a real Proverbs 31 woman for him.”

A chalkboard doodle of my discipleship group, fondly called "d-ship."

That was the first time I had ever heard of this character, the Proverbs 31 woman. So when Lauryn mentioned her, I asked for clarification. As she explained Proverbs 31, which she characterized as an ideal that Christian women should pursue, my initial thoughts were something along the lines of, “Why on earth would you do that? Where’s the Proverbs 31 man? If this passage is truly critical for life as a Christian woman, then I have been poorly educated. And if Proverbs 31 isn’t critical for life as a Christian woman, then why would you care about it? And honestly, why are you pursuing an ideal to be worthy of a male when the eternal goal of Christlikeness still remains? Shouldn’t a Godly man want a Godly woman? And isn’t a Godly woman formed by pursuing God, not a Proverbs 31 caricature?”

I mentioned in the last post that my Atlanta born-and-raised mother was very intentional in raising my sisters and me (as any good parent should be). When I asked my mother why I hadn’t ever heard of the Proverbs 31 woman, she told me her goal was to connect her children’s hands with the hands of God and to leave room for God’s whispers to each child. Her perspective of indoctrination emphasized organic relationships rather than a set curriculum. My mother and father taught me that pursuing God is of the greatest importance, and that God will not leave me without teaching.

Rachel Held Evans exploration of the Proverbs 31 checklist culture opened my eyes to a legalistic Christian faith that I did not understand. I did not grow up pursuing the P31 standard, but I know young women here in college who are defined by its guidelines.

Evans advocates that Proverbs 31 was never meant to be a checklist. Her friend Ahava, the wife of Jewish Rabbi living in Israel, explains that she is

“called an eshet chayil (a valorous woman) all the time. Make your own challah instead of buying? Eshet chayil! Work to earn some extra money for the family? Eshet chayil!... Every week at the Shabbat table, my husband sings the Proverbs 31 poem to me. It’s special because I know that no matter what I do or don’t do, he praises me for blessing the family with my energy and creativity. All women can do that in their own way.” (Evans 87-88)

This liberating interpretation of Proverbs 31 sounds pretty great to me. I’m all for celebrating women’s investment in the infrastructure of the household. And yet, this interpretation doesn’t settle all of my questions.

The crux of my questions seems to hinge on this: Jesus asks Christians to pursue what might seem to be impossible ideals. In Matthew and the Sermon on the Mount we are asked to rejoice in the face of persecution (5:12), reconcile hatred against others immediately (5:23-24), resist lust (5:28), love your enemies (5:44), and then, as if the previous list wasn’t hard enough, Jesus asks us to “Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect” (5:48). Following Jesus isn’t meant to be easy. God calls us to resist the devil and to pursue Christlikeness, requiring that we make incredible commitments and take drastic action. This does not mean that we will not make mistakes, but it does mean that we are not left alone in our efforts. It is through Jesus that we are able to pursue Christlikeness. It is through Jesus that we are able to resist sin. It is through Jesus that we are made perfect.

Here is a blog post typical of P31 material. 

It may be true that Proverbs 31 is meant as a poem, as an anthem, as a praise, and as a celebration of womanhood, but in the midst of the arguments between the Proverbs 31 checklist culture and the Proverbs 31 praise culture, I think it’s important to remember that God calls Christians to a higher standard, a standard that is not of this world, a standard that is difficult to pursue. If we concede for a moment that Proverbs 31 is indeed best interpreted as a checklist for a Christian woman, then we need not tremble in fear. It is through Jesus that we are made perfect. So if we are going to resist the Proverbs 31 checklist culture, we should not resist it because its difficulty, or apparent impossibility does not align with God’s desire for our Christian lives. It isn’t as though God doesn’t ask us to do difficult things in other areas of our lives.

So if we are going to resist the Proverbs 31 checklist culture, what should motivate that resistance? I do not presume to have all (or even any) of the answers, but my musings are as follows: Proverbs 31 tells of a woman who is hard working, has a big heart, and loves God. Her hard work, big heart, and love for God manifests itself as she “gets up while it is still night,” “provides food for her family,” “considers a field and buys it,” “opens her arms to the poor,” sews garments to clothe her family and sell in the markets, “speaks with wisdom,” “does not eat the bread of idleness,” and fears the Lord (Proverbs 31). In my mind, it is not the specific chores listed in Proverbs 31 that are important. Any time we place a construct in between God and ourselves we run the very real risk of that construct becoming our god. I could follow the Proverbs 31 checklist literally for a lifetime and still miss the real goal. It is the themes of Proverbs 31 that should draw attention, most importantly a woman’s love for God.

Here is a blog post reacting to the Proverbs 31 checklist culture.

At this point, after a bit of wrestling, I think I’m back at where I began. I am a Christian. I love God. I believe Jesus is the Son of God and he came to earth, died, and rose again. I believe loving God and pursuing Christlikeness is the most important goal a person can have. And that places Proverbs 31 lower on my list of priorities. I find it hard to believe that in pursuing God, learning from him, and responding to his teachings, that I will not also be worthy of the praise written in Proverbs 31. And if I ever get that kind of praise, it will be nice to hear, but it will not mean the fulfillment of my life’s goal.